Posted by: chibotaichi | May 5, 2012

Signposts Mean More When You Feel Lost

I had maybe my second (or third, give or take) “heavy emotional experience” on the mat today. In part, the insufficient sleep that adds up over the week may have had something to do with it. Also, some interpersonal tensions from the previous weekend, which carried through the week as well, may have been a contributing factor.

At any rate, I forget how exactly we arrived There (quite possibly we had just finished a side-plank>flipping-dog kind-a-thang), but lying prone, my Mind filled with a feeling of vast isolation.

In this moment I felt like the lone survivor of a band of warriors. Traveling the path Home, but all alone. The internal dialogue seemed to be expressing a weariness. “It is a strangely and surprisingly lonely position to wish good, peace, kindness, and happiness to ALL,” the Mind said.

With that, this spiritual pang reached its climax. If not for the fact that my breathwork was particularly focused during this practice, I likely would have burst into tears. In that moment, guru passed by and offered a reassuring touch. The Illusion of seperateness lingered like a thin veil, but I was reminded that the Path is illumined. And the Path is wide, so as to accomodate the MANY others who would pursue it.

A lof ot people say things to the effect of “God doesn’t present us with anything we are not equipped to handle,” and in some ways I think my experience today was an opportunity to affirm this idea. It was as if the Universe was offering a chance to change course, to turn back, to veer onto a path of empty ease.

I’m glad to be reporting that I did not give in to temptation. I would rather pursue the Path and come up short than succeed at achieving mediocrity.

One of my favorite sayings is “the direction you are traveling is more important than how far you get.”

That sums it up so nicely.

I may very well never live up to the ideals I attempt to live. But in some ways that’s just dandy, because I may well always have room to grow and improve. This Evolution seems to be two steps forward and then at least one step back. But I am moving in the right direction…


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