Posted by: chibotaichi | December 15, 2014

Why I Adopted Yoga

Over the past few weeks, my Heart has felt so heavy. There have been moments of joy too, of course. Plenty to be grateful for and much to enjoy. Yet that feeling was still there. An emptiness so profound, a nothingness so tangible that it makes no sense.

Except it does make sense.

A lot of sense. (this is where I am tempted to expound on Tao, but this is not the point!)

Recently my ongoing Soul-Searching led me to read some blogs and articles on the psychological issues of adoptees in adulthood. What I found, with various exceptions and gradations, all had me pegged pretty good.

(I won’t bother to ramble on that too much, because in trying to recall all of that information I just forgot and then re-remembered the point of writing all of this in the first place.)

The big-picture issue described is also the most damning. To some extent or another, the primary wound of Loss never goes away. Not for good, anyhow. And while this was tough to hear, and literally (but refreshingly) tear-inducing, it is a Truth which every Human Being must come to terms with eventually.

It seems to be especially tough to learn it so young and by way of such a Naturally intimate relationship, but Truth is Truth.

(This is not unlike the origins of the Buddha, and I am beginning to believe all adoptees are, in this way, candidates for understanding Buddhism.)

And so on and so forth, getting to my alleged point:

This morning one of the semi-regular attendees in my yoga class mentioned that he had recently been diagnosed with cancer, and was looking to yoga and qigong to help manage the current and forthcoming waters.

Last week I overheard one of the practitioners I see at a few different classes discussing her young daughter’s effectively terminal medical condition.

The week before that it was the man who was recently separated and struggling to regain traction.

It all got me to thinking about how powerful yoga, and taichi, and qigong, and all these mindfulness modalities truly are and what a blessing it is to be able to share them.

But perhaps most interestingly, it made me reconsider what brought me to the Practice.

I have my professional story about discovering taichi and yoga, but the real reason it resonated so strongly was because I needed the same sense of peace and healing that these folks are needing.

I’ll be the first to admit, when I am struggling or feeling frustrated or upset, it often doesn’t occur to me to roll out the mat, or to sit and take a few deep breaths. This is exactly what I would tell anyone who asked me what to do most likely, and yet I’m the last to heed the advice. Classic. (insert Aquarius jokes here)

But I think that happens because I know that this yoga time is structured into my schedule. I work hard at making sure to bring the peace and calm to the class environment as best I can, and in the process am able to hold a little of that feeling for myself.

And I suspect that this is the real reason I’ve turned all of this Mind-Body stuff into something of a career.

I am forced to be accountable to the Practice, and in this way ensure that I will always be near to this healing power of peace and stillness.

Which is a good thing, because it sounds like that shadowy part of me is here to stay.


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