Posted by: chibotaichi | February 2, 2015

Birthday Blog

Another lap around the Sun is in the books, so I suppose that means I better post on this blog!

Another year, another Day, another Moment. All In The Flow.

I’m often unsure of where to go with this Life.

I’ve made Meandering my default M.O., despite some pretty focused ambitions.

Right Now, specifically, I see myself in that Meandering mode. I think I sometimes end up there out of distraction.

I’ve discovered over the past decade or so just how sensitive the Human Nature is by design, and while I have absolutely increased my capacity for utilizing this reality, I am often still quite unskillful with it.

I suppose it’s a classic Boundaries issue.

Oftentimes I am unsure of what I really Think and Feel, and it seems like there isn’t a lot of Time or Space to determine what is Theirs and what is Mine.

I’m thankful that I am even aware of the matter, because for years I was clueless about this sort of thing.

And frankly, I have been taught a variety of different techniques to help with this issue, but what sounds most appealing to me at this point in Time is to simply get away from it all.

I am not one of the Wanderlusters of the World. I am quite happy to stay at Home, to maintain a relatively small turf.

It’s not even so much that I feel the need to travel, or to break out of the cultural narrative I’ve been embedded in for so long.

It’s more like a need for a little bit of refuge. Not just in the metaphysical or spiritual sense. I want to sit near a secluded stream, or in a foggy forest. I am craving some Time in Space untouched by Progress and Civilization.

I’ve got so much on my Mind, and I know for a fact that some of it is absolutely “my stuff” and I absolutely need to work it out, but it feels like there isn’t any meaningful opportunity to do so.

I’m pretty good at pushing that sort of stuff aside and just churning forward, but I also know that doing so is not a sustainable way of living.

I suppose what I’ve encountered is a definitive Need, and the obvious (though somehow surprisingly difficult) thing to do is to honor it.


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